Finding strength

11 days ago I had surgery to remove my thyroid gland and the cancer that was attached to it. I learned at my follow-up appointment that out of the 1.6cm nodule 1.2 cm was cancer. I feel so blessed to have had it found so early. The next step in my treatment is to be on a low IODINE diet for the next few weeks as I prepare for the Radioactive Iodine Tablet and full body scan. The purpose of this is to light up any other cancer cells that may be in any other parts of my body. At this point I do not know if there is any other cancer in my body.

I am not alone in this struggle though. There have been many people who have come up to me and have said that they have known someone who had the same thing happen to them. It is comforting to know that I am not alone in going through this trial. We are given trials that are meant to lift us up and bring us closer to God. I watched a program on BYU- channel that was about a lady names Kim. She had such a positive attitude through her trials that makes her who she is. She is challenged in her height due to a physical trial since birth, but it did not stop her from blessing everyone around her. She was always positive in her outlook on life. I hope that I can be that type of person through the things that I go through.

Over the last 12 years I have struggled with health issues and many times I know I have complained way too much. There are trials that others have that are much harder than the ones that I have been given. During this trial I have had the chance to learn about a prophet of God that I feel I can relate to in a small way. President Spencer W Kimball had throat cancer and had a surgery where most of his vocal cords had to be taken out. This surgery left him with a raspy voice and he overcame the trial by putting his trust in the Lord.

Elder Boyd K Packer said of him in 1974- "In 1957 throat problems developed, to be diagnosed as cancer of the throat and vocal cords. This, perhaps, was to be his Gethsemane. He went East for the operation. Elder Harold B. Lee was there. As he was prepared for surgery he agonized over the ominous possiblities, telling the Lord that he did not see how he could live without a voice, for his voice to preach and to speak was his ministry....There was a long period of recuperation and preparation. The voice was all but gone, but a new one took its place. A guiet, persuasive, mellow voice, an acquired voice, an appealing voice, a voice that is loved by the Latter-day Saints." "He went back home for his maiden speech. He went back to the valley. Anyone close to him knows it is not a valley, it is the valley. There, in a conference of the St. Joseph Stake, accompanied by his beloved associate from Arizona, Elder Delbert L. Stapely, he stood at the pulpit. 'I have come back here,' he said, 'to be among my own people. In this valley I presided as stake president.' Perhaps he thought that should he fail, here he would be among those who loved him most and would understand. There was a great outpouring of love. The tension of this dramatic moment was broken when he continued, 'I must tell you what has happened to me. I went away to the East, and while there I fell among cutthroats. ...' After that it didn't matter what he said. Elder Kimball was back!" (March 1974 Ensign, "No Ordinary Man" by Elder Boyd K Packer)

I only had a small amount of cancer that only had my thyoid gland removed. It did affect my voice to a small extent that it gets tired easily, and I can't sing. I still have my vocal cords but I too fell among cutthroats... :)

The scar will get better and I will receive all of my treatments to make sure there is no more cancer. Out of all the people that I look up outside of my family and Jesus Christ, I look up to Spencer W Kimball because he went forth after that surgery and lived a full life. He went forth doing the Lord's will and being positive. That is what I look to do.

Hospital experience

I arrived at the hospital on April 6th and was so ready to have the cancer removed. It was difficult to know that I had cancer inside my body and had to wait 6 days for it to be removed. I can not even imagine how other's feel as they are diagnosed with a more serious cancer. Mine is very treatable but I will need to have scans over the rest of my life time to make sure that I do not have any other cancer in my body again. Sometimes thyroid cells can be found in other parts of the body but as of now I will have a radioactive iodine tablet and then a scan to make sure it is all gone. The surgery went well and my entire thyroid is no gone. I spent the day in the hospital and my parents have been with me. It is so nice to have such support from parents, and friends. I received flowers and 2 very cute cards. They brought a smile to my face. Due to the type of surgery, my doctor decided for me to stay over night in the hospital. Since I have compression socks on and a compression monitor that squeezes my legs, I have not slept as much as I think I would have really liked to. But who comes to the hospital to get good sleep anyway- that is what home is for!!! During the night I have had a lot of time to pray, and think about this blessing in disquise. It really is a miracle in the way that this cancer was found so early and at the right time. Yes I do have a pain in the neck and that line has made several people smile. I have tried to remain optomistic through this. No that is not always an easy thing to do but I have come to realize this time that it sure does make it so much better to go through it if you are positive. It is 5:30 am and I feel that I had a night like President Spencer W Kimball did after he had surgery for throat cancer. He has a book called One Silent, Sleepless Night. In this book he describes experiences throughout his life that he remembers through the night as he tries to find sleep. He watches the time hoping that it passes quickly, but it seems to drag on. He brings up also how he must clean his wound and how he wishes for sleep. My night hasn't been exactly like his was, but I kept thinking about how grateful I am to have experiences that bring me closer to my Savior. Over the last year, but more especially the last month I have felt pain more intense than I have over the last 12 years and it has helped me to see my need for Jesus Christ. He knows how I feel and He knows what to do to comfort me. He comforts me as I receive priesthood blessings, as I read the scriptures, as I listen to His prophets and apostles, as I attend His holy temple, as I serve the children by playing the piano so they can sing, and as I attend church each week. Even as I watch the snow fall this morning it reminds me that we can be pure as the white snow when we seek to know Him and repent of what we do wrong. None of my suffering is in vain and none of it is wasted. It is just part of the healing process and as long as He is with me I will make it. Prayer has such a strength to those in need when many use their faith to pray for strength in another's behalf. Thank you dear friends and family who have prayed for me. May you each receive blessings in your life for your faith and strength in praying for me.

Diagnosed with Cancer

So many of my friends and family have been told about my newly found disease. Most however do not know the miracle of finding it, and now you will know. In early March after living with Chronic daily tension headaches for 12 and 1/2 years, the pain increased and my right arm started to hurt. Not just an ache that I could ignore as it was affecting my job-which is a pharmacy technician and I use both arms to do it. I could tell that something was funny when my hand would shake by itself and my arm would just hurt. Finally I went in to the doctor on Mar 11 and he tested my strength in my arms to see if there was any weakness. To my amazement my right arm and wrist would just fall a little while my left would stay strong. It was frustrating but he said I should have an MRI to check what was going on in my neck. At this point I did not know that anything else would be found. I figured that it would be a normal test like the other 20 or so that I have had in the last 12 years. On Wednesday the 16th I had the MRI and then tried to be patient as I waited for the results. The waiting is always the hardest. lol :) On that Friday I was told that he wanted to talk with me so I went in and he said that I have Degenerative Disc Disease in my neck. At first I thought.....my entire neck and what the heck is it? It is only affecting my disc between the 6th and 7th cervical vertebrae and is proably hitting a nerve which is causing the pain in my arm. To help I was told I needed to get a Cervical Epidural steroid injection in my neck. Of course I was willing to try anything at that point because of the pain. Also on the MRI it showed that I had a mass that was as big as the tip of his pinky on my thyroid. But of course an MRI doesn't tell what it is. So another test was ordered- An Ultrasound. When I had the ultrasound, I really didn't think much about it other than I wanted to know if it was a cyst (fluid filled) or a solid. The ultrasound tech showed me that it was a solid. Crazy, right?? The next step was to get a biopsy. That was the one test that really scared me the most. For 3 days after I was told I would be having a biopsy I really freaked out. I had a priesthood blessing and was told that I would be blessed with doctors and nurses who would be able to help me. Also that i would have some major decisions coming up in my life. I felt comfort and peace knowing that the Lord was with me. I had the biopsy on Tuesday of this week and pretty much expected that I would not hear anything until today-Friday April 1st. I am thankful to have hear yesterday, for today I don't think I would have believed him since it is April Fools' day. When my doctor told me I was in shock and awe. It was one word that I never thought I would hear, let alone ever have to go through. Cancer....that one 6 letter word creates so much pain for so many people. Then the other word I was hoping to avoid was said...surgery. Another 6 letter word that I wanted to avoid at all costs. But as soon as the treatment was described to me I knew it was the best option for me. I then proceeded to call my parents to tell them the news. I didn't cry much because I felt such a comfort that all will be well. I told my co-workers next as I was on my lunch break at work when I learned this. I recieved hugs from 2 of my friends which was all I really needed. But those hugs had special power....care, comfort and concern from them but more importantly power from Heaven. My Heavenly Father knew exactly what I neeeded and He provided the way for me to get it since my family lives away from me. We are all God's children and He loves us all. I have seen that so much recently. Then for the following 3 1/2 hours I worked trying to focus on what I needed to do for patients who were in need of medications. That was really hard. But I made it through with the words of a song in my mind. It is called "Inside" and these are the words that kept me going.... " Inside, I feel a voice Beckoning me, Pulling me down to my knees I pray for strength to use my faith to take my doubts and fears away" That was all I could do...pray for strength to know all would be well. Needless to say I didn't sleep so much last night. And my thoughts went to the fact that I do not blame God for this happening. It is no one's fault. It is what it is...a fact of life. Many people have had cancer and beat it. Just to name a few who's examples I hope to follow are these: President Spencer W Kimball (throat cancer and he was a prophet of the Lord), Elder Neal A Maxwell (leukemia and he was an apostle who knew the Savior because of his tuitorial in suffering), Martha Blake Willis (breast cancer and high school friend), my grandma Velma Wood (non-hodgkin's lymphoma), and I have heard of many more. Some may have been called home to God from their sufferings but they were strong and turned to the Lord. That is how they beat the cancer...they didn't allow it to stop them from being a disciple of Christ.!!! From these examples, I know that I must Trust in the Lord, never give up, and know that He loves me even when I don't understand why it happened. I do not know the meaning of all things, but I know He cares for me and everyone else too. You may ask if I am scared...honestly not so much as I thought I would be. I have been thinking a lot about the atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ during the last month. He suffered for me. He knows how I feel and even though I can not comprehend how it is possible that he felt that much pain for EVERYONE that has LIVED, is LIVING, or ever WILL LIVE on this earth. I have only felt a very small poriton of pain and suffering. There were times I felt that it was too much and I wanted to get rid of it. Then I finally came to understand that sometimes in our suffering is when we come to KNOW HIM!! Scriptures that I have come to love during the last month are worth reviewing for all of us. Isaiah 53: 2-10, Matt 26:36-46, Alma 7:11-12, Mosiah 3:5-8 His atonement is real!! He died so that we would know that there is One who knows how we feel. He died that we may be forgiven and learn to love as He loves. He Lives today so that we can know our purpose in life. I hope that I can know Him better as I go through this divine tutitorial, just as Elder Neal A Maxwell said of his luekemia. It is a tuitorial for me to know that I am not alone. In advance I want to thank everyone for your faith, prayers, and friendship. Thanks a million!!! Jesus Christ lives. His atonement is real. I know there will be a day when I will kneel at His feet and know then just as I do now that he is my Savior, Friend, Brother, and Redeemer!!! He Lives!!! He Loves!! And He Knows each of us. Cancer will not beat me!!! I will show it who is boss. :)