Hard times...what do you do?

5 years ago when I met Charles I knew then just as much as I know today that I love him.
I know that it takes two to make a marriage wonderful and happy when you are both on the same path. After a long road and many struggles, my husband is currently living with his mom and step dad. He is making the choice to end our marriage. I am not sure of all his reasons, nor to I believe that it is the best thing for us at this time. It is really confusing when he still tells me how much he loves me but wants to live away from me.
Over the last year we have lived in Northern Idaho and I have had the chance to get to know his family. It has been a great experience to feel the love of a large family. I grew up with a small one- just my parents and my sister along with extened family around until I turned 15. So being so close to his family was really nice. We still struggled with many things- such as finding good employment or even going to school. It is hard to imagine that we have come so far, only to have it thrown away by a series of choices.
We all have the ability to choose what to do in our lives and how to be happy. Let alone- the choice to be happy no matter what is going on in life. Even through the hardest times when tension seemed the highest I still tried to find joy in it. The journey of marriage was never intended to be easy, but it was intended to be worth it as we cling to each other and live the Way God intened a married couple to live. It reminds me of a song that I never knew until I met Charles- "Perfect" it talks about the fact that life doesn't have to be perfect and if one day I feel like doing something but the next I don't just to remember that it was not intended to be perfect.
Looking back over the last 5 years I have learned so much from my husband about enjoying life. I have also learned to love him no matter what is going on. I have come to a decision that it was worth it to marry him and if he still wanted to be with me and work through issues I would love to continue. The pains of divorce is a horrible thing to even fathom. It takes your life and turns it upside down. It makes you have all kinds of feelings that you never really want to have.
The biggest thing I have learned is that you start your marriage on the same path and you are happy moving in the same direction. Should one begin to choose other things, the path divides and it is harder to move together as one being equals. It takes 2 to make a marriage glorious and beautiful. It takes 3 to make the marriage be what God intends it to be-- it takes the husband, the wife, and God to become the man and wife he wants you to be.
God is there and he leads us. He loves each of us enough to allow us to make our own choices even when it hurts another one of His children. He has been lifitng me up through this whole time and allowing me to have people surround me to keep me from falling down.
Whatever the choice is of my husband I will always love him. I will always have the desire to make our marriage better and to be faithful to my covenants with him.

New Year with changes

Lately I have been thinking a lot about changes in our lives. We celebrated Christmas and Thanksgiving with Charles' family. We have been living in Coeur d'alene since the end of September last year. Times have been tough for us finanically and in our relationship. I have come to learn that the Lord does not want marriages to end, but we have to trust Him that the best things happen for us. Marriage is to one other person- our spouse- and we are only to be there for that person and lock our heart to all others. The covenants that we make to our spouse are very strong and the consequences for breaking those covenants are nothing that I would want. We each have our agency and choose what to do with it.
The gospel is so important to me and I am so grateful to have a loving Father in Heaven that is watching over me. I realize how important it is to be completly faithful to your spouse- in thought, word, deed, and action. I promise to be the best wife and companion that I can be- even though I am not perfect at it I know that with the Lord's help I can be what he wants me to be.
This new year brings a long drive to work until I can transfer to a Wal-Mart that is closer. I am also working wth the census again. I can only hope it is enough to help us pay all of our bills.
Welcome to 2010!! I hope that any one who reads this will know of my conviction to marriage and to the Lord. He lives and I am grateful to know that.

Holidays

So Charles and I spent time with his family in Lewiston Idaho. We stayed at his sister Val's inlaws house since there was enough room for all of us. Thanksgiving dinner was really good and we all had a good time. THere was a lot of food. Charles went with the rest of the men to shoot guns. Now as for myself I couldn't help with much because I had surgery just a week and 2 days before. I had 2 masses that needed to be removed so my reproductive system will work properly. I am healing well from the surgery.
Now we are in the middle of a Christmas show with his parents and many friends. We are in the choir and are having a great time doing it. It was the first weekend in December and the second weekend too. Charles plays the part of a wiseman named Caspar...the friendly ghost... I mean wiseman. He has had so much fun with it.
Other than that I want to wish each of you a very merry Christmas and hope that each of you feels the joy of the season.

Changing times

We had some sad news this week. On Thursday November 5- Charles' Grandmother Mulkey passed away. His father paid for a plane ticket for him to be down there in Texas for the funeral. He has been there since Friday night and has been so happy being back in his home state. He has told me that he even saw his house that he grew up in and the elementary school that he attended. He has seen so many of his family members that he has not seen for a long time. It has been good for him to be there, but I wish that I could have gone with him too. I have never been to Texas and keep hoping to go sometime but we don't have enough money.
It is a sad time for his family, but she is now out of pain. She is now able to be with her husband who died awhile ago.
So in light of this I have had the weekend off work and time to do scrapbooking. I miss him but he did need to go. He doesn't get to see his family very often since they live so far away-- his father's side of the family that is. We see his mom's family often since most of them live just an hour away.

Reflections

I have spent a lot of time lately reflecting on the last few years. Life doesn't always turn out the way that you thought that it would. When I met my husband, I never would have thought that we would have moved around so much. We have moved 6 times in 4 years. We have spent time in Rexburg twice, Idaho Falls (2 different apartments- same complex because of water problems), Priest River, ID (with his grandma until she moved in with his parents, and then a small place for 2 months on our own), and last but not least the move to Coeur d'Alene, ID.
Granted each time we have been blessed, at least I think so. When we lived in Rexburg the first time just after we were married we had a good time, but we didn't have much. Charles had a good job at Artco but he also really wanted to go to school and have a degree. I don't blame him for that at all- he didn't want our kids to come up to him one day and say "Dad, why does mom have a college degree and you don't?" He has been trying to fulfill that dream ever since.
School is not easy for anyone but for Charles and I it has been harder than I think we both thought it would be. Currently he is in School and North Idaho College.
Jobs have never been very easy to find the best ones to take care of the family. Now we are both looking close to home, but no luck yet.
Sometimes I wonder and ask myself quite often--"Is marriage really as hard as it is for us the same way for everyone else?" The answer I always find is yes. I don't know of a single marriage out there that has not ever had problems or trials to go through.
Marriage is worth everything to me and I would follow my husband to the end of the earth. Just like members of the church follow the Savior. The scripture that talks about marriage being likened unto Christ as the head and the church as the body. So is marriage the same way. Just thoughts on life and how I pray the Lord will bless us as we look to him to pass through the trials of this life.

Life in Coeur D'Alene, ID

So we have lived in our new place for 3 weeks, and it is still a mess of boxes. That is the reason why there are no picutres yet. I have been traveling to work still in Ponderay (Sandpoint) Idaho and it takes at least an hour to get there. Hopefully soon I will be able to find something new.
For now, I have a job at least but it takes me away from my family too long. Not much time to write so I will have to conclude with the gospel is true!!!! I am so happy to be in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I am so blessed to be sealed to my husband in the Temple! The Book of Mormon is true. Jesus Christ lives!!!!

Moving is not so much fun....

We just moved to Coeur d'Alene. Charles started school at North Idaho College and we moved so he is within 2 miles of the school. This elminates the amount of gas we will be using. However I will still be traveling to Ponderay- to work at Wal-Mart. Until I can transfer to Post Falls Wal-Mart which is about 15 minutes from our new apartment. I will add picures of the move later on when we actually have a home that is not covered in boxes. :)
For anyone who may like to have our new address here it is:
951 W Emma Ave Apt #48
Coeur d'Alene, ID 83814
Our phones are still the same since they are cell phones. It makes it nice for me while I am traveling just in case I need to get a hold of someone.
We just wanted to let everyone know what we are up to now. Like I said more will follow later.