I know, it has been a really long time since I last posted on this blog. A lot has happened this year. I have seen much, loved much, and sought after much. So here are a few highlights to catch you up on what has been happening.
In December of 2013 I went to Portland for Christmas which was the best timing due to how the semester ended. I had the best time with my parents and sister as we visited the coast to see my first mission companion and her family. I didn't get to see any whales, but one day it will happen. Then after spending a week and having a lot of fun it was time to drive back to Idaho to work and begin a new semester. Plans for school got turned upside down and so I worked really hard to make things right.
During the summer I had the privilege to spend some time with my parents again as they came to visit us. We spent a few days down in Utah visiting extended family and just having a good time together. We saw 2 of the temples that were being built- Ogden and Provo City. I have seen them many times during the time that they have been under construction, but it was fun to be there with my entire family.
I also had the chance to spend a weekend in Boise and another weekend in Utah before school started back up again. Unfortunately, there were so many pictures that I took from all of these fun things that I just don't have time to post them. Now I am back in school taking 18 credits for the first semester of pharmacy school. Many people have asked me how it is going so far, and the first few weeks it felt like I was in a dream since I did it all a year ago. This year I am cancer free and my doctor is not concerned about it being back again like he was last year. I still have the headaches, but know that it will be gone one day before I even realize it.
I have been going to school now for the last 3 years and it has been a roller coaster ride filled with ups and downs. In January after many years of searching for an answer to my constant headache pain, I thought I found the one thing that would take the pain away. I learned that my jaw was not in the proper alignment and began treatment in March. I was actually really excited as I was told of others who had headaches too and when they did the treatment their pain was gone within a few weeks. Now 6 months later I still have the pain and it has been really frustrating that it is still there. I suspect that most of you are like me and you would have begun asking the same things that I did. Why did their pain go away after their treatment began and mine is still there? What is the purpose in being in pain everyday, all day long? These headaches began when I was 18 years old and have been with me through everything...school, serving a mission, working, more school, and just everyday living.
Often times we ask ourselves why did this happen to me? or maybe it is asking why now? Those were my questions in the beginning, but over the years I began seeking the purpose. It wasn't until this last week when the purpose really began to take a hold of my heart and mind. The purpose has always been to bring me closer to Jesus Christ. He knows exactly what I am going through. He knows what it is like to have constant pain with very little relief. He knows so that He can bless me and help me each day of my life. In fact His help is there for me every second of every day. All He asks of us is to turn to Him and in the process trusting Him that the trials we face really are for our own good to make us more like He is.
This year I decided to dig a little deeper and I chose to start a journey with a book that is entitled "Becoming His A Daily Journey towards discipleship" by Emily Freeman. The best way for me sum up the journey is by what is written toward the end of the book.
"There is One who is my everything, in whom I can always trust
There is One whose guidance is constant.
There is One who will instruct me in a great work.
There is One who offers a second chance.
There is One who brings a healing balm
There is One who orchestrates my life.
There is One whose word is sure.
There is One who marks the pathway home.
There is One whose love is unconditional.
There is One who guards bravely against defeat.
There is One who anchors my soul.
There is One who burns in every bush.
And I am becoming His."
Jesus Christ is the One who can do all of these things for us. As we turn towards Him we can truly be His disciple. One of the stories in the New testament that I have come to love is found in Mark 5:25-34. It is about a woman who has an issue of blood that has been with her for 12 years. She has spent all that she has to be treated by the doctors at that time, but is not better at all. (The issue of blood is basically like having a period that will not stop for anything- bleeding all the time. Back in her day it would have made it so she was unclean and could not worship in the temple. People would have not wanted to be around her) She knew that Jesus was coming and had said that ..If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole." As soon as she touched his clothes she was healed. When He felt power leave Him, He turned to ask who touched His clothes. She did reply and I love the reply that He gave this sweet woman. "Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague." His response was tender and gave her the reason why she was now healed.
I find it interesting that in verses 28, and 34 the word used is "whole", but in verse 29 it says "healed".
In the last few years I have read this passage of scripture many, many times trying to understand why some are healed, some made whole, some have both, and others are called home. We all have our own individual journeys which require our hearts and our faith. Being made whole can happen at any point and that may be in this life. It is more than just your illness being gone. It is being able to rely on Him for everything and trust Him no matter what you face. It is being whole by using the atonement to repent of mistakes and seek for forgiveness. It is also being healed of what is plaguing you regardless of how you are afflicted- physically, emotionally, spiritually.
Needless to say, I really wanted this experience for myself. I wanted to be just like this woman, who had enough faith that just a touch of His clothes was enough. She had already tried everything that she could, and spent all that she had just be be clean again. I have tried many things over the years and have spent a lot in trying to find my answer. I have asked in prayer many times what more I could do so that it could be gone. Please don't get me wrong, I am grateful for this trial because over the years it has drawn me with a great desire to be closer to Him. It has drawn me to others with similar struggles, and it has given me a greater sense of compassion for those who suffer. It has given me peace to know that regardless of how bad it may feel sometimes, that He is always there for me.
Just over 10 years ago a scripture was brought to my attention that I was told I probably had a good understanding of because of what I had gone through at that point. Honestly, at that point I only got some of it compared to what I understand now. Here are the verses from the Book of Mormon which I was told to turn to often.
Alma 7:11-12
" And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.
"And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities."
He truly did feel ALL things!! He felt them so that He would know exactly what we need to help us in our time of need. The atonement was not just suffering for our sins, it encompasses all that we feel in this life! He knows exactly how it feels to be in chronic pain and try everything that you can think of to find relief. He knows how hard it is to remember things when you are in pain, and how much some times you just wish you could sleep and the pain would be gone when you wake up. He really does know what I deal with every day. He also knows all that YOU go through and is always there with arms extended when you need comfort because you feel that you just can't move forward any more.
This past week has been filled with tender mercies from a loving Father in Heaven who knows my heart and sees what I need. He helped me to feel strength each day and lifted my burden so I could not even feel it upon my shoulders. There is another scripture in the Book of Mormon which applies to us when we feel we can not carry our burdens because they feel too heavy.
Mosiah 24: 13-15
"And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.
"And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses of me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord god, do visit my people in their afflictions.
"And now it came to pass that the burdens of Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord."
The Atonement of Jesus Christ will give us strength so that we can not feel our burdens. Some burdens feel like a ton of bricks, and that it is just burying us deeper and deeper. But as we turn to Him, that burden can be lifted because of what He did for us.
The Book of Mormon has helped me to better know my Savior and that He cares for me so much. It gives me a greater knowledge of who He really is and helps me to better understand the Bible. Both work together to testify that He is the Savior of the World!
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Insights from trials and struggles
It has been many months since my last post only because up until now I wasn't exactly sure what to write. I am going to be extremely personal on this one in hopes that what I am about to share may help others to know that the God of heaven and earth loves you!!
First let me say that I do not share this for sympathy, for I do not need any. I know a little of why I have gone on the path that I have been on and I am discovering more all the time. This is strictly shared to help others who may be in similar circumstances with their own trials.
Have you ever wondered when you are headed down a path in life and you think that it will continue in the same manner, when all of a sudden it shifts to the right or left without you knowing? Ever wondered why the things that you want end up being something different? Or maybe you have wondered why a particular trial continues for years upon end and it seems there is no way out?
I like you have had these questions from time to time. Some of those times I turned to others for help, and some of those times I realized that I really needed my Father in Heaven's help. When I graduated from High School I had plans to go to college, serve a mission, be married, and finally have the desire of my heart...to be a mother. The pathway started out the way I thought, with one exception- annoying headaches with no answer as to what was causing them. I went to many doctors trying to find the answers, I prayed for relief, and I sought help from trusted men of God who held the priesthood. The first 2 years of college I was with some wonderful people and I managed to survive school despite the pain that seemed to bring me down.
There were times roommates would ask, "well if your head hurts so much, why don't you just stay at home on the couch til it stops?" and my reply was "Then I would be here all the time and what life would that be?". I knew they cared for me and were trying to help, but that one question gave me the determination to keep going no matter the pain.
I saw neurologists, regular doctors, and even physical therapists but nothing seemed to help. Though I saw so many I never gave up hoping that one day I would have the answer. I graduated with an Associate's degree from Ricks College and then was home for about a year before going to serve a mission in the Virginia Richmond Mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The headaches remained with me the entire time I served, but I learned so much from that short 18 months. I met people who had more severe diseases and yet they were happy. One of those in particular was Steve Thomas, one of the counselors in the mission presidency, who had Rheumatoid Arthritis. He was one of the happiest people I have ever met in my life regardless of how much pain he was in. He did all that he could to serve others and would do it with a smile. Often I wondered how he was able to do so much even though he was in chronic pain. I know there was a day that I asked him how he did it, but now over 11 years later I don't even remember the exact answer. But I do know that a lot of it came from his testimony of the Savior, Jesus Christ and that He knows ALL that we go through.
When I came home from my mission at the end of 2002, I decided that since Ricks College had become a 4 year university that I would go back to Rexburg and attend BYU-Idaho. There were things that blessed my life left and right while I was there as a student. I continued to have the headaches.
In 2004 I was heading down to Utah to attend a wedding of a good friend that I served my mission with, Megan, and my car flipped on the driver's side in the median. I spent a few weeks wondering why it happened, but I really never knew why exactly. The fact is that is was a bump in my road of life that I had not expected. ( I did make it to the wedding the next day and was so grateful to be there.)
I had great roommates and friends and felt so loved being there in Rexburg. Then in 2005 a few things happened that I thought may be helpful to the headaches and life in general. I learned in April that I had a small hole in my heart in between the 2 atrial chambers that had probably been there since I was born. We didn't know it would help with the headaches but I went forward to do the surgery that was done through a catheter in a vein which was in my leg to place a mesh wire piece over the hole. It didn't help the headaches, but I knew I needed to do it anyway.
Over the rest of my schooling at BYU-Idaho (which was another year), I still had the headaches everyday, all day long with very little relief. I kept moving forward in life one day at a time, always hoping that one day I would really have an answer on how to make it better.
One year after my divorce, I began feeling a new symptom of numbness in my right arm and sometimes it would just ache after using it so much. So I went to the doctor in 2011 and he suggested that I have an MRI of my neck to see if the problem was coming from there. After so many medical tests in my life when things were all normal for the scans and other tests, I expected this MRI to be the same- Normal!! But I was called and told that I had degenerative disc disease in between C6 and C7, but that I also had a nodule on my thyroid. Beyond the numbness, chronic headaches, and feeling tired all the time, I felt just fine and still didn't think much of the nodule. I had an ultrasound which revealed the little pea-sized nodule was a SOLID mass!! My doctor sent me to a specialist for a biopsy to determine if it was benign or malignant. That doctor was very reassuring and told me that 90% of the nodules that are found are benign and that is what he was expecting too.
I was at work a few days later around the time of my 31st birthday, and I was just finishing up my lunch break when my phone rang. It was my doctor's office! He told me that it was malignant and that I needed to have surgery as soon as possible to remove it. I told him I was planning on moving from Coeur d'Alene to Pocatello, Idaho on May 10-11 (that was about 7 weeks away). He told me I would need to have surgery, and then about 4-5 weeks after I would need a full body scan with radioactive iodine.
I was in shock! I could hardly believe how this little cancer was found. At that time all I had time for was to call my parents and text my sister before returning back to work. My co-workers were very supportive and kind towards me. Oddly enough I really didn't spend much time crying even though cancer is a scary word!. Several times I was told that if you have cancer, that one of the best types to have was thyroid cancer since it requires no radiation or chemotherapy.
On April 6th, 2011 I went in for surgery to have my entire thyroid removed. My ward was very loving toward me during the recovery and my parents were there for me while I had surgery and for a couple of days after. I placed my trust in the Lord and moved forward with the treatment. Did I know what would happen when I heard the word cancer? No! I had no idea how it would turn out but I knew that He loved me!
On May 2 I went over for my radioactive iodine (I-131) treatment and was told I could be around no one for 2 days. It was kind of a lonely few days, but I did as asked. I had my full body scan on May 10th and moved down to Pocatello the very next day.
Now I am coming up on 3 years being cancer free in just 3 weeks. I still have my blood drawn every 3 months to make sure that the thyroid medication it replacing the hormone correctly. Sometimes I have been scared that the cancer has returned since I have had to have 2 PET scans, 2 ultrasounds, and 2 more I-131 radioactive iodine treatments. But as to my usual thing when it comes to medical tests- they come back normal.
The entire time since I was 18 I have had the headaches. Many times I have knelt down asking for the pain to be taken away so that I can be healed. People in the scriptures were healed and I knew that I could be too. I have always hoped and had faith that the day would come that I would again know what it is like to not have pain.
Well, I may be a step closer than I have ever been, but if not I accept the Lord's plan for me. Last semester as I have indicated previously with my blog, I was accepted into Pharmacy school. I was very excited, but I knew it would be really hard. What I didn't expect was more bumps in the road of life. Last semester when my blood levels were checked my thyroglobulin level was getting higher and it should be pretty much zero! So my cancer doctor wanted me to have a PET scan, and I did with it being normal- showing no cancer inside me! But the level climbed again and so I did an ultrasound which was also normal- no thyroid tissue found inside my neck. And finally in December I had my radioactive iodine abaltion with full body scan again.
I didn't know what was about to come next! My dream of pharmacy school was put on hold and life began a shoot off of the path that I was on. Due to all the medical appointments and working more to pay off those bills as they came, I ended up not passing all of my classes. Yes, it did hurt and I did cry at first as I felt that my dream of becoming a pharmacist was over. But Heavenly Father had a plan that I didn't see that He knew I would need to become the daughter that he knows I can be. The committee that I spoke with after the semester was over told me of an idea for my headaches that I had never heard of before: Neuromuscular dentistry and I could find out who practiced it through a school down in Las Vegas.
After that news, my sister and I headed home for Christmas to Portland, Oregon. It was the perfect time to be with my entire family. My family was sad for my situation and they just loved me when I needed it the most. That is exactly what God was doing for me too!!!
I came home and began to make the best of this situation. So I signed up to take some upper division biology and microbiology classes that will hopefully help me in pharmacy school when I return in the fall. But the biggest blessing came as I was looking and found an office in town that works with TMJ patients and they had a free consultation. I made an appointment just to see if it may be something that could be my answer.
Truthfully, as the doctor was describing to me what was going on it just made sense and I felt that was why life headed in a different direction that I had not expected. My plan was to go through 4 more years of school and become a pharmacist. But the Lord's plan was a little different and will be so much better for me anyway. I am now doing treatment and have been for 6 days. We will see how this works out, but if it doesn't work how I hope it will, I know the Lord's plan is better!
Over the last almost 3 months, I have read so much regarding faith, trials, submitting to the Lord's will, and hope. If life would have gone the way that I thought it was going to go I may not have had the time to read so many wonderful things. Also I would probably not have been able to be there for a family in my stake that all but 2 members died due to carbon monoxide poisoning. The two remaining family member were serving missions for the church and they were strong when this happened. Yes they missed their family, but they knew they would see them again and they trust the Father in Heaven knows when we have learned all we can here on the earth. He needs valiant people on both sides of the veil, since life is not over after we die.
Now some of you may be thinking, why I would be okay with the trial that I have had over 16 years of my life. What I have learned through it all is why! I have learned that we are placed here to learn and are given only what He knows we can handle and what will bring us closer to Him!! He knows us individually and loves us with a love that we can not comprehend. He gives us hope by placing people around us to help us as we struggle. I have had many people in my life who have been placed in my life at just the time when He knew I would need them and they would need me. He has given me the determination to keep moving forward each day knowing that an answer will come one day!
My chronic pain has given me empathy for those who have pain too. It has helped me to become closer to Jesus Christ and to understand in a VERY small way the pain He felt for all of us. I can not comprehend what it was like to feel everyone's pain, sins, trials, joys, sorrows, and all things that we go through. That is was makes Him the PERFECT Savior!! When it seems that no one else understands what we are going through and how much we are hurting, HE does!!!
Lastly I want to share my testimony with you of what I know to be true and love with all my heart.
I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I know we are lead by living prophets who help us find our way home to Him. I know Jesus Christ died for me, but that He lives today because He was resurrected. I know the Bible is the word of God and that the Book of Mormon also testifies of Jesus Christ. I know that with these books of scripture I am better able to understand the mysteries of God. I know that Jesus will always be there to help us every step of the way. I know that He is always willing to bless us as we turn to Him. I know that we have a loving Father in Heaven who knows us individually and completely. I know that I do not comprehend all things and why they happen, but I know He loves me, which gives me hope. I know that as we act in faith and turn to Him we can be blessed. I know that we can not only be healed according to His will and timing, but that we can be made whole!
Again, my hope is that this may be helpful to others. Stay tuned, you never know what may come next. Yes the path we are on in life may not always go in the direction we think it will go, but if we trust the Master we will be blessed more than we ever thought we could. May you be blessed in your search to become His!!!
First let me say that I do not share this for sympathy, for I do not need any. I know a little of why I have gone on the path that I have been on and I am discovering more all the time. This is strictly shared to help others who may be in similar circumstances with their own trials.
Have you ever wondered when you are headed down a path in life and you think that it will continue in the same manner, when all of a sudden it shifts to the right or left without you knowing? Ever wondered why the things that you want end up being something different? Or maybe you have wondered why a particular trial continues for years upon end and it seems there is no way out?
I like you have had these questions from time to time. Some of those times I turned to others for help, and some of those times I realized that I really needed my Father in Heaven's help. When I graduated from High School I had plans to go to college, serve a mission, be married, and finally have the desire of my heart...to be a mother. The pathway started out the way I thought, with one exception- annoying headaches with no answer as to what was causing them. I went to many doctors trying to find the answers, I prayed for relief, and I sought help from trusted men of God who held the priesthood. The first 2 years of college I was with some wonderful people and I managed to survive school despite the pain that seemed to bring me down.
There were times roommates would ask, "well if your head hurts so much, why don't you just stay at home on the couch til it stops?" and my reply was "Then I would be here all the time and what life would that be?". I knew they cared for me and were trying to help, but that one question gave me the determination to keep going no matter the pain.
I saw neurologists, regular doctors, and even physical therapists but nothing seemed to help. Though I saw so many I never gave up hoping that one day I would have the answer. I graduated with an Associate's degree from Ricks College and then was home for about a year before going to serve a mission in the Virginia Richmond Mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The headaches remained with me the entire time I served, but I learned so much from that short 18 months. I met people who had more severe diseases and yet they were happy. One of those in particular was Steve Thomas, one of the counselors in the mission presidency, who had Rheumatoid Arthritis. He was one of the happiest people I have ever met in my life regardless of how much pain he was in. He did all that he could to serve others and would do it with a smile. Often I wondered how he was able to do so much even though he was in chronic pain. I know there was a day that I asked him how he did it, but now over 11 years later I don't even remember the exact answer. But I do know that a lot of it came from his testimony of the Savior, Jesus Christ and that He knows ALL that we go through.
When I came home from my mission at the end of 2002, I decided that since Ricks College had become a 4 year university that I would go back to Rexburg and attend BYU-Idaho. There were things that blessed my life left and right while I was there as a student. I continued to have the headaches.
In 2004 I was heading down to Utah to attend a wedding of a good friend that I served my mission with, Megan, and my car flipped on the driver's side in the median. I spent a few weeks wondering why it happened, but I really never knew why exactly. The fact is that is was a bump in my road of life that I had not expected. ( I did make it to the wedding the next day and was so grateful to be there.)
I had great roommates and friends and felt so loved being there in Rexburg. Then in 2005 a few things happened that I thought may be helpful to the headaches and life in general. I learned in April that I had a small hole in my heart in between the 2 atrial chambers that had probably been there since I was born. We didn't know it would help with the headaches but I went forward to do the surgery that was done through a catheter in a vein which was in my leg to place a mesh wire piece over the hole. It didn't help the headaches, but I knew I needed to do it anyway.
Over the rest of my schooling at BYU-Idaho (which was another year), I still had the headaches everyday, all day long with very little relief. I kept moving forward in life one day at a time, always hoping that one day I would really have an answer on how to make it better.
One year after my divorce, I began feeling a new symptom of numbness in my right arm and sometimes it would just ache after using it so much. So I went to the doctor in 2011 and he suggested that I have an MRI of my neck to see if the problem was coming from there. After so many medical tests in my life when things were all normal for the scans and other tests, I expected this MRI to be the same- Normal!! But I was called and told that I had degenerative disc disease in between C6 and C7, but that I also had a nodule on my thyroid. Beyond the numbness, chronic headaches, and feeling tired all the time, I felt just fine and still didn't think much of the nodule. I had an ultrasound which revealed the little pea-sized nodule was a SOLID mass!! My doctor sent me to a specialist for a biopsy to determine if it was benign or malignant. That doctor was very reassuring and told me that 90% of the nodules that are found are benign and that is what he was expecting too.
I was at work a few days later around the time of my 31st birthday, and I was just finishing up my lunch break when my phone rang. It was my doctor's office! He told me that it was malignant and that I needed to have surgery as soon as possible to remove it. I told him I was planning on moving from Coeur d'Alene to Pocatello, Idaho on May 10-11 (that was about 7 weeks away). He told me I would need to have surgery, and then about 4-5 weeks after I would need a full body scan with radioactive iodine.
I was in shock! I could hardly believe how this little cancer was found. At that time all I had time for was to call my parents and text my sister before returning back to work. My co-workers were very supportive and kind towards me. Oddly enough I really didn't spend much time crying even though cancer is a scary word!. Several times I was told that if you have cancer, that one of the best types to have was thyroid cancer since it requires no radiation or chemotherapy.
On April 6th, 2011 I went in for surgery to have my entire thyroid removed. My ward was very loving toward me during the recovery and my parents were there for me while I had surgery and for a couple of days after. I placed my trust in the Lord and moved forward with the treatment. Did I know what would happen when I heard the word cancer? No! I had no idea how it would turn out but I knew that He loved me!
On May 2 I went over for my radioactive iodine (I-131) treatment and was told I could be around no one for 2 days. It was kind of a lonely few days, but I did as asked. I had my full body scan on May 10th and moved down to Pocatello the very next day.
Now I am coming up on 3 years being cancer free in just 3 weeks. I still have my blood drawn every 3 months to make sure that the thyroid medication it replacing the hormone correctly. Sometimes I have been scared that the cancer has returned since I have had to have 2 PET scans, 2 ultrasounds, and 2 more I-131 radioactive iodine treatments. But as to my usual thing when it comes to medical tests- they come back normal.
The entire time since I was 18 I have had the headaches. Many times I have knelt down asking for the pain to be taken away so that I can be healed. People in the scriptures were healed and I knew that I could be too. I have always hoped and had faith that the day would come that I would again know what it is like to not have pain.
Well, I may be a step closer than I have ever been, but if not I accept the Lord's plan for me. Last semester as I have indicated previously with my blog, I was accepted into Pharmacy school. I was very excited, but I knew it would be really hard. What I didn't expect was more bumps in the road of life. Last semester when my blood levels were checked my thyroglobulin level was getting higher and it should be pretty much zero! So my cancer doctor wanted me to have a PET scan, and I did with it being normal- showing no cancer inside me! But the level climbed again and so I did an ultrasound which was also normal- no thyroid tissue found inside my neck. And finally in December I had my radioactive iodine abaltion with full body scan again.
I didn't know what was about to come next! My dream of pharmacy school was put on hold and life began a shoot off of the path that I was on. Due to all the medical appointments and working more to pay off those bills as they came, I ended up not passing all of my classes. Yes, it did hurt and I did cry at first as I felt that my dream of becoming a pharmacist was over. But Heavenly Father had a plan that I didn't see that He knew I would need to become the daughter that he knows I can be. The committee that I spoke with after the semester was over told me of an idea for my headaches that I had never heard of before: Neuromuscular dentistry and I could find out who practiced it through a school down in Las Vegas.
After that news, my sister and I headed home for Christmas to Portland, Oregon. It was the perfect time to be with my entire family. My family was sad for my situation and they just loved me when I needed it the most. That is exactly what God was doing for me too!!!
I came home and began to make the best of this situation. So I signed up to take some upper division biology and microbiology classes that will hopefully help me in pharmacy school when I return in the fall. But the biggest blessing came as I was looking and found an office in town that works with TMJ patients and they had a free consultation. I made an appointment just to see if it may be something that could be my answer.
Truthfully, as the doctor was describing to me what was going on it just made sense and I felt that was why life headed in a different direction that I had not expected. My plan was to go through 4 more years of school and become a pharmacist. But the Lord's plan was a little different and will be so much better for me anyway. I am now doing treatment and have been for 6 days. We will see how this works out, but if it doesn't work how I hope it will, I know the Lord's plan is better!
Over the last almost 3 months, I have read so much regarding faith, trials, submitting to the Lord's will, and hope. If life would have gone the way that I thought it was going to go I may not have had the time to read so many wonderful things. Also I would probably not have been able to be there for a family in my stake that all but 2 members died due to carbon monoxide poisoning. The two remaining family member were serving missions for the church and they were strong when this happened. Yes they missed their family, but they knew they would see them again and they trust the Father in Heaven knows when we have learned all we can here on the earth. He needs valiant people on both sides of the veil, since life is not over after we die.
Now some of you may be thinking, why I would be okay with the trial that I have had over 16 years of my life. What I have learned through it all is why! I have learned that we are placed here to learn and are given only what He knows we can handle and what will bring us closer to Him!! He knows us individually and loves us with a love that we can not comprehend. He gives us hope by placing people around us to help us as we struggle. I have had many people in my life who have been placed in my life at just the time when He knew I would need them and they would need me. He has given me the determination to keep moving forward each day knowing that an answer will come one day!
My chronic pain has given me empathy for those who have pain too. It has helped me to become closer to Jesus Christ and to understand in a VERY small way the pain He felt for all of us. I can not comprehend what it was like to feel everyone's pain, sins, trials, joys, sorrows, and all things that we go through. That is was makes Him the PERFECT Savior!! When it seems that no one else understands what we are going through and how much we are hurting, HE does!!!
Lastly I want to share my testimony with you of what I know to be true and love with all my heart.
I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I know we are lead by living prophets who help us find our way home to Him. I know Jesus Christ died for me, but that He lives today because He was resurrected. I know the Bible is the word of God and that the Book of Mormon also testifies of Jesus Christ. I know that with these books of scripture I am better able to understand the mysteries of God. I know that Jesus will always be there to help us every step of the way. I know that He is always willing to bless us as we turn to Him. I know that we have a loving Father in Heaven who knows us individually and completely. I know that I do not comprehend all things and why they happen, but I know He loves me, which gives me hope. I know that as we act in faith and turn to Him we can be blessed. I know that we can not only be healed according to His will and timing, but that we can be made whole!
Again, my hope is that this may be helpful to others. Stay tuned, you never know what may come next. Yes the path we are on in life may not always go in the direction we think it will go, but if we trust the Master we will be blessed more than we ever thought we could. May you be blessed in your search to become His!!!
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